“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
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Remember this old saying from childhood?
No doubt someone was saying something to you that could have been emotionally hurtful. Well, it seems this old saying really doesn’t have any scientific merit at all. In fact, recent research suggests that indeed feeling emotional hurt, being given critical feedback from your boss, having your ideas rejected by other respected colleagues, being made fun of, or being verbally abused all seem to have the same negative impact on our health.
It seems that emotional pain and physical pain both follow the same neuro pathways in our brain and can both lead to the same outcomes of depression, immune suppression and fatigue. In a nifty study by Naomi Eisenberger and colleagues at UCLA, she was able to use the latest technology to peer into the inner workings of our brain called functional magnetic resonance (fMRI) while a team was involved in a social exercise designed to provoke feelings of social isolation and rejection.
She studied what part of the brain was activated while a group of subjects played a computer game with other individuals they did not know. She created two possibilities of being rejected–either actively or passively (she told them they could not continue because of some technical problems). Comparison of fMRI brain activity in the active exclusion group versus inclusion conditions revealed greater activity in the part of the brain that is associated with physical pain (anterior cingulate cortex). Additionally, the subjects who were rejected also reported feeling psychological distress based on self-report measures ((Eisenberger, N., Lieberman, M. and Williams, K. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302, 290-292)).
Four studies show that recall of past socially painful situations elicits greater pain than reliving a past physically painful event and has greater negative impact on cognitively demanding tasks ((Chen, Z., Williams, K., Fitness, J. & Newton, N. (2008). When hurt will not heal. Psychological Science, 19, 789-795)). Maybe dying of a broken heart isn’t so crazy….
Have you ever had a 360-degree feedback experience that left you feeling a bit numb?  OK, how about a performance evaluation meeting that just plain left you dumbfounded about why your boss mentioned something that might have occurred 10 to 12 months ago but never bothered to mention it to you?
We all know that feedback is the key necessary (but not sufficient) condition to create awareness, insight and reflection to help us do things more, less or differently in the future–it really is the only way to enlighten those with the “no clue” gene. We also know the leaders in our lives that seemed to possess the emotional intelligence and skills to say just right thing in the right way to actually motivate us to want to change our behavior ((Nowack, K. (2010). Leveraging Multirater Feedback to Facilitate Successful Behavioral Change. Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research 61, 280-297)).
One of the most cited research studies on performance feedback is based on meta-analysis by Kluger and DeNisi who reviewed over 3,000 studies (607 effect sizes, 23,633 observations) on performance feedback. They found that although there was a significant effect for feedback interventions (d=.41), one third of all studies showed performance declined ((Kluger, A. & DeNisi (1996). The effects of feedback interventions on performance: A historical review, meta-analysis and preliminary feedback theory. Psychological Bulletin, 119, 254-285)). Indeed, if performance feedback was a drug many of us could be easily sued for malpractice. Although older and probably in need of a revision, this study is still one of the most cited in the social psychology literature.
Although the authors speculated about many reasons why performance feedback led to actual performance declines in 33% of all studies they seemed to suggest that in most cases it leads to individuals feeling hurt, demotivated and emotionally upset. If Eisenberger and her UCLA researchers are correct in what they are finding it would appear that indeed feedback in some cases might actually be harmful to your health.
New Feedback Research
Everyone has experienced physical pain and one of the first things we often do is take a pain reliever, like acetaminophen (Tylenol). But physical pain isn’t the only kind of pain we might experience. Our feelings can also be hurt from feeling slighted, having our ideas rejected or even being given feedback we experience as evaluative. So, researchers wondered whether acetaminophen, which acts on the central nervous system, could blunt social pain, too. In one experiment, healthy college students were randomly assigned to take acetaminophen or a placebo twice a day for three weeks. Those who took acetaminophen reported experiencing significantly fewer hurt feelings.
In a second experiment, another set of healthy college students was randomly assigned to take acetaminophen or a placebo twice a day for three weeks. At the end of the three weeks, the students were scanned in an MRI machine while playing a virtual ball-tossing game with two other players. After a while, the other players stopped tossing the ball to the subject who reported social stress from being left out or socially rejected. Those who had taken the acetaminophen exhibited significantly less neural activity in areas of the brain previously associated with experiencing social and physical pain ((DeWall, C. et al. (20010). Acetaminophen reduces social pain: Behavioral and neural evidence. Psychological Science, 21, 931-937)).
So, when you feel upset about negative interactions with others, take two over the counter pain killers and call me in the morning….Be well….
Ken Nowack
Kenneth Nowack, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist (PSY13758) and President & Chief Research Officer/Co-Founder of Envisia Learning, is a member of the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations. Ken also serves as the Associate Editor of Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research. His recent book Clueless: Coaching People Who Just Don’t Get It is available for free for a limited time by signing up for free blog updates (Learn more at our website)
Jorge and I just talked about this study with a class at Alliant over the weekend. Your blog gives me more info about the study. Thank you and be well.
I like that more attention is being given to this. It really sucks to get berated in the workplace.