“Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me.”
Unknown
Remember this old saying from childhood?
No doubt someone was saying something to you that could have been emotionally hurtful. Well, it seems this old saying really doesn’t have any scientific merit at all. In fact, recent research suggests that indeed feeling emotional hurt, being given critical feedback from your boss, having your ideas rejected by other respected colleagues, being made fun of, or being verbally abused all seem to have the same negative impact on our health.
It seems that emtional pain and physical pain both follow the same neuro pathways in our brain and can both lead to the same outcomes of depression, immune suppression and fatigue. In a nifty study by Naomi Eisenberger and colleagues at UCLA, she was able to use the latest technology to peer into the inner workings of our brain called funtional magnetic resonance (fMRI) while a team was involved in a social exercise designed to provoke feelings of social isolation and rejection.
She studied what part of the brain was activated while a group of subjects played a computer game with other individuals they did not know. She created two possibilities of being rejected–either actively or passively (she told them they couldn not continue because of some technical problems). Comparison of fMRI brain activity in the active exclusion group versus inclusion conditions revealed greater activity in the part of the brain that is associated with physical pain (anterior cingulate cortex). Additonally, the subjects who were rejected also reported feeing psychological distress based on self-report measures ((Eisenberger, N., Lieberman, M. and Williams, K. (2003). Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science, 302, 290-292)).
Recently four studies showed that recall of past socially painful situations elicits greater pain than reliving a past physically painful event and has greater negative impact on cognitively demanding tasks ((Chen, Z., Williams, K., Fitness, J. & Newton, N. (2008). When hurt will not heal. Psychological Science, 19, 789-795)). Maybe dying of a broken heart isn’t so crazy….
How often has critical, negative and awkward feedback been perceived to be hurtful by those we love, admire or even find challenging in your life?
Ever had a 360-degree feedback experience that left you feeling a bit numb (OK, you know the real reason for 360-feedback was to “out” the critics and provide supporters a vehicle to share how wonderful you are)?
OK, how about a performance evaluation meeting that just plain left you dumbfounded about why your boss mentioned something that might have occurred 10 to 12 months ago but never bothered to mention it to you? We are know that feedback is the key necessary (but not sufficient) condition to create awareness, insight and reflection to help us do things more, less or differently in the future–it really is the only way to enlighten those with the “no clue” gene. We also know the leaders in our lives that seemed to possess the emotional intelligence and skills to say just right thing in the right way to actually motivate us to want to change our behavior.
One of the most cited research studies on peformance feedback is based on meta-analysis by Kluger and DeNisi who reviowed over 3,000 studies (607 effect sizes, 23,633 observations) on performance feedback. They found that although there was a significant effect for feedback interventions (d=.41), one third of all studies showed performance declines ((Kluger, A. & DeNisi (1996). The effects of feedback interventions on performance: A historical review, meta-analysis and preliminary feedback theory. Psychological Bulletin, 119, 254-285)). Indeed, if performance feedback was a drug many of us could be easily sued for malpractice.
Although the authors speculated about many reasons why performance feedback led to actual performance declines in 33% of all studies they seemed to suggest that in most cases it leads to individuals feeling hurt, demotivated and emotionally upset. If Eisenberger and her UCLA researchers are correct in what they are finding (they seem to be replicating their results in several follow up studies), it would appear that indeed feedback in some cases might actually be harmful to your health.
I only wish I had a dollar for every time I was unable to “pull back” that comment, phrase or email that came from my mouth or fingertips….Be well….
[tags]leadership development, executive development, multi-rater feedback, bullying, performance feedback, emotional intelligence, emotional pain, engagement, retention, kenneth nowack, ken nowack, nowack[/tags]
Ken Nowack
Kenneth Nowack, Ph.D. is a licensed psychologist (PSY13758) and President & Chief Research Officer/Co-Founder of Envisia Learning, is a member of the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations. Ken also serves as the Associate Editor of Consulting Psychology Journal: Practice and Research. His recent book Clueless: Coaching People Who Just Don’t Get It is available for free for a limited time by signing up for free blog updates (Learn more at our website)
Great contrarian piece, Ken! Perhaps the important (and missing) intervening variable in the Kulger and DeNisi study is the skill of the individual providing the feedback. (Think of the legendary executive who completes a termination interview leaving the departing employee grateful for the new opportunities ahead.) If the mindset of the feedbacker is around delivering “critical” versus “constructive” or “developmental” feedback, the effect may well be demoralizing, demotivating and painful. Being enlightened to an opportunity to improve one’s performance should be experienced for what it is, a gift of a developomental opportunity. The delivery can make all the difference.
Keep up the blogging!
Rich…You have hit a “strike” as feedback is largely about delivery of the “bowling ball down the alley.” Obviously helps to use the right ball but appreciate your thoughts and kind feedback….Be well….
Hi Ken
Great piece, very interesting study that you quote.
A couple of points I would add to the debate:
– As with most human actions, there are good ways of giving feedback and terrible ways….the quick, sharp comment that we’re all guilty of sometimes isn’t good feedback. In fact, saying “Why on earth did you do it that way?!” doesn’t qualify as feedback at all!.
That doesn’t mean feedback is not a good idea though. As Rich points out, the intention of the feedback giver is important.
– Feedback is not about general snide comments, put-downs or verbal abuse, or having your ideas rejected…it’s about giving someone an example of a specific thing they did or said and its effect, which can be good or bad.
– Feedback can also be very positive, encouraging and motivating. It can also be incredibly helpful if it’s specific and given immediately.
– Finally, with regard to the study, I would question a study that can relate performance changes to a specific activity (in this case feedback). Also, if one third of all studies showed a one-third decline, did two-thirds show an improvement…? I think we should be told!