She Wasn’t Really Listening

     No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why.             Mignon McLaughlin

HOT READS FOR THE PRACTITIONER

Title: Tune Me In Please

Competency: Listening skills

Who benefits: every one of us

Consultant Usage: trainer references and feel free to use my story

What’s it about? When I first started my career in human resource development, I was a trainer for a government agency in Carson City, NV.  There was a Safeway Grocery Store near where I lived.  I used to shop there once or twice a week.  It seemed that every time I went to the store there was only one, and always the same, clerk at the checkout stand.

Over time I noticed that her interactions with her customers were always the same.  She would always begin with “Hello, how are you today?”  No matter what the customer said in response, she always replied “That’s great!” 

I began to pay more attention and noticed that sometimes that was not the appropriate response.  I have always had an impish streak below my mild-mannered exterior, so one Friday afternoon when things were a little busier than usual, I had a different response waiting.  The following conversation is 100% true, based on my recollection … which I have replayed and relayed in subsequent classes over the years:

She: “Hello, how are you today?”

Me: “I am sorry to report that I died on Monday and I am on my way from here to my funeral.”

She: “That’s great!”

Being a professionally educated management and communication trainer, I now had a pretty good clue she wasn’t going to receive high marks for her listening skills.  

Unfortunately she is not the only one among us with poor listening skills.  According to the general consensus in the literature, many if not most of us overrate our listening skills. If you have ever had 360 degree feedback, you were probably rated on your listening skills.  Otherwise, you likely don’t have a good handle on your skills unless you receive a kindly “shut up” or two now and again.

If you are interested in a well written and in-depth book on the topic try Mark Goulston’s book Just Listen: Discover the Secret to Getting Through to Absolutely Anyone.  Praise for this book ranges from the CEO of Mattel (who bought copies for his senior staff) to Oprah.   Any book that suggests in the Foreword that when you hit a brick wall … look for loose bricks has something to offer.

What I liked most about the book is its emphasis on introspection and know yourself before learning and mastering techniques.  It offers a good foundation before the house is built.

If you just can’t find time to immerse yourself in a full length book, you can skim a one page article Is Listening an Endangered Skill.  There is a reference on that page to an ancient but still one of the best ever articles on listening, Listening to People.

Catch you later.
[tags]listening, listening skills, envisia, envisia learning bill bradley, william bradley, bradley[/tags]

Bill Bradley

Bill Bradley (mostly) retired after 35 years in organizational consulting, training and management development. During those years he worked internally with seven organizations and trained and consulted externally with more than 90 large and small businesses, government agencies, hospitals and schools.