TGIF – Talent Humor

As the week winds down, we wind down with some tidbits for your information, education, health, and enjoyment.

Special Edition: This week is a special humor edition related to Talent Management.  Regular contributor to this Blog Wally Bock writes about it twice a week.  We support a coaching talent competency which by our definition “Attracts, selects, and retains talent. Effectively coaches, trains and develops others.”  All that presupposes your talent has, well, uh, er … talent.  Here is a different look at the before, during, and after of (non) talent:

Before: Resumes, interview answers and questions that suggest you might not want to hire this (non) talent:

What you don’t want to see on a resume:
“I am very detail-oreinted.”
“Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I’ve never quit a job.”
“Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.”

What you don’t want to hear in an interview:
An applicant wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the interviewer and the music at the same time.
A candidate said he had never finished high school because he was kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico.
An applicant said that if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

What not to ask in an interview:
“What is it that you people do at this company?”
“Would it be a problem if I’m angry most of the time?”
“Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?”

During: The employee is absent frequently and the excuses are, shall we say, inventive:

“I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Safeway.”
“I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.”
“Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.”

After: Sometimes you just have to send the (non) talent on his or her way along with an accurate letter of reference that won’t elicit the threat of “I’m going to sue your back-side!”

“I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.”
“I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.”
“All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.”
“You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you.”
“He consistently achieves the standards he sets for himself.”

 [tags]envisia, envisia learning, bill bradley, william bradley, bradley[/tags]

Bill Bradley

Bill Bradley (mostly) retired after 35 years in organizational consulting, training and management development. During those years he worked internally with seven organizations and trained and consulted externally with more than 90 large and small businesses, government agencies, hospitals and schools.