TGIF – Flyin’ High – Part 2

As the week winds down, we wind down with some tidbits for your information, education, health, and enjoyment.

Quote of the Week: From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of them are on this flight.”

Humor Break: NEW AIRLINE RULES

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You’re in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It’s the airline’s new policy.
Passenger: That’s the craziest thing I ever heard. I won’t pay it.
Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I’ll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger:  What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger: This is extortion. I won’t stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you’re right, you can’t stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We’re about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.
Passenger:  No way!
Attendant:  Sir, if you don’t comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don’t want me to do that.
Passenger:  Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant:  No, but there’s a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger:  Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can’t believe this.
Attendant:  Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Passenger:  Yes. It’s stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn’t seem to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger:  The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant:  Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It’s the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger:  I don’t have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant:  Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger:  But you’ve given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there’s a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger:  For cryin’ out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant:  Hang onto it. You’ll need it later for the lavatory.

Stat of the Week: Continuing on from Wednesday’s post, if your business requires you to travel, it can get expensive.  U.S. airlines took in $3.4 billion in baggage fees in 2010.  In a companion Stat of the Week, here are 20 reasons to extremely dislike the flying buses.

Action Tip: Check baggage fees before traveling.  Be sure to read about weight restrictions … likely you have to keep your checked bag under 50 lbs. to avoid an additional charge.

Volunteering: Travelers Aid International:  Mission – To advance and support a network of human service provider organizations committed to assisting individuals and families who are in transition, or crisis, and are disconnected from their support systems.
[tags]flying, baggage charges, baggage fees, customer service, airline humor, envisia, envisia learning, bill bradley, william bradley, bradley[/tags]

Bill Bradley

Bill Bradley (mostly) retired after 35 years in organizational consulting, training and management development. During those years he worked internally with seven organizations and trained and consulted externally with more than 90 large and small businesses, government agencies, hospitals and schools.