Year End Reflections

HOT READS FOR THE PRACTITIONER

Title: Building good relationships with yourself and others

Competencies: self-development, managing self, oral and written communications, listening

Who benefits: everyone

Consultant Usage: communication trainers and consultants looking for interesting background material

What’s it about? As the year stumbles to a close, many of us look back and reflect on what was.  Much of “what was” we could do nothing about.  The economy is beyond most people’s understanding, much less influence.  World Peace, Global Warming, Poverty, Greed and Corruption … all issues of importance but somehow outside of our daily lives.

Many of us have our pet causes, but for the most part our contributions are a drop in a bucket.  Yes, I know, recent events in the Middle East have shown that enough drops will fill the bucket.  And that is a good thing.  But for most you reading this post, what concerns you most and what you can influence is in your line of sight.  And of all the things you have the most control over, your relationships with others is quite possibly the most important.

Most of us see ourselves as communication experts.  Most of us are wrong.

We are under the (often false) impression that because we know 1,000s of words that we know how to use them to great effect.  We speak volumes of words, but to what impact.  As my colleague Ken Nowack often writes in his Monday posts, how we see ourselves isn’t always how we are perceived. 

This brings me to today’s theme: How can we have the best possible relationships with those who we value most — either for personal or professional reasons.  If, in your-end-of-the year soul searching, you are dissatisfied with some of your existing relationships or you simply acknowledge that you can and want to be a better communicator with the important people in your life, here are a couple of suggestions: 

How to Click with People: The Secret to Better Relationships in Business and in Life is a new book that is a quick and easy read.  For many of you there won’t be much in the book you don’t already know.  But there are some good reminders, like remembering that people have different communication styles and to be effective with them, you have to communicate to their style.

And there are some relatively new ideas on how to build better relationships through email and assorted social media, which the author calls “Clicking Electronically”.  He also has a good chapter on the power of Listening.

Relationship Rules is a 2009 book written around the idea that self-confidence precedes good communication.  I never thought of it that way.  And I have struggled with my own self confidence for the better part of a century.  The book isn’t intended to be humorous.  There aren’t a lot of funny clips.  But without stopping to analyze why, I found myself smiling a lot and thinking “Boy, I would like to have lunch with this guy and get him talking.”

This book is a little more academic – citations, quotes and notes – than the first.  It is also fill with tips, hints and examples. 

What really grabbed me though was this quote: “(M)ake positive and productive strides toward getting your own house in order before inviting anyone over.” 

Happy Reflections.

Catch you later.

Bill Bradley

Bill Bradley (mostly) retired after 35 years in organizational consulting, training and management development. During those years he worked internally with seven organizations and trained and consulted externally with more than 90 large and small businesses, government agencies, hospitals and schools.